Happy Holidays!

Last Friday was the holiday show at the kids' preschool/daycare. This is Megan's third year at the school, but the first time we ever went to the show--mainly because it starts at 6:30 at night and the kids are usually in bed at seven! But this year, because Megan's class actually practiced songs and we felt like we should do it...off we went to Pierce College!

Both kids were amazing. Michael's class was brought out and propped up in a bench with sections for seating. The theme was "Fantasia," and Michael was dressed like Mickey Mouse in the movie.

The school kept the front row of seating open for the parents of the kids who were performing so someone from the family could go take pictures. I went to the front, but was sure that once Michael saw me, he'd start reaching for me and crying. Nope! He saw me and started waving and blowing kisses like he was on a Rose Bowl float.

When Megan's class came out, Megan saw me, waved, and said, "Hi Mommy!" Then she sat and sucked her thumb through "Jingle Bells," "Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah," and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." During the final song, which was a chance for the kids to dance, she slept standing up while some of the other kids got their grooves on.

Both kids were totally exhausted, but it turned out pretty well! And everyone slept well that night...

Fall Videos

Here are two short videos...

In the first, 11-month-old Michael crawls to get his bat, while his daddy tries to get him to put it in the "correct" hand.

And in the second video, Megan sings "Jingle Bells" while doing some very important work.

11 Months Old and Thanksgiving

Michael turned 11 months old today. Hard to believe he is almost a year old!

Today was also Thanksgiving. We celebrated with family and friends. And Megan made decorations for the front door!

Megan liked the food much more this year...

...and Michael got to hold the drumstick!

We have much to be thankful for!

Uh-Oh, It's School Picture Time Again...

Last year, the entry was called Why Daycare and Photo Day Don't Mix. And, once again, it was an interesting year.

Michael looks like a little man who is wondering why some guy with a camera is looking at him...

Poor Megan. In the words of one of my coworkers, it looks like they shot a puppy in front of her and then took her picture. So sweet and so sad.

Here's to next year!

Message for My 39th Birthday

I started writing birthday messages for myself four years ago, when I turned 35. I had an interaction with a homeless man that morning that moved me, and I wanted to share the experience with some of my friends. That led to a message for my 36th, 37th and 38th birthdays. So, what to write this year?

I really do love my birthday. It is an opportunity to say thanks for the previous year (and to my mom for having me in the first place) and a chance to reflect on my life in general.

Since I’m entering my 40th year, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my 30s. What an amazing ride. Since I turned 30, I’ve completed three marathons, mainly to prove to myself that I could. I tried scuba diving. I got to sing with a band onstage (granted, the stage was in a hotel in Winchester, Virginia, but still…). I dated a few men who were wrong for me and one or two who might have been right for me at a different time in my life. I was honored to become friends with a bunch of amazing ladies who continue to inspire me, even cross-country! I packed up my life and moved to Los Angeles, got to watch my nice Miri grow up (still under construction!), meet P.C. and be blessed with Megan and Michael after what seemed like an endless journey of trying to have a baby. I’ve been so happy I wanted to jump for joy and so sad that I couldn’t get my head off the couch. I’ve held friends’ new babies and had to say goodbye to friends and family members.

This year has been particularly interesting. The addition of Michael to our family has made things exponentially busier, but I had no idea that my heart was capable of feeling any more love than it already had. The passing of my beloved grandmother, something I’d been dreading for decades, was very difficult, but I feel so lucky that I had the chance to see her before she passed away and tell her how much she meant to me.

And there have been many fun times this year, too! From watching Megan see Michael for the first time to a chaotic trip to Vegas with the kids that only lasted 24 hours, from out-of-town visitors to in-town Easter egg hunting and pumpkin decorating, it has been a terrific ride.

Here are some things I’ve learned in the last year:

o Nothing is as energizing (or rare) as a good night’s sleep. Or a really good nap.

o Despite taking lots of red-eye flights over the years, I’m just not able to do them anymore without burning out at the other end.

o Motherhood has proven to me, time and time again, that my own mother has been right about 95% of the time. I admit it.

o For those who are worried about their male newborn babies peeing on them, you just might find that your firstborn daughter can pee on you many more times in the first year.

o I am so lucky to have a job that I really, really like at an amazing school with amazing people.

o My girlfriends mean the world to me.

o So does my sister. I am unendingly grateful for her.

o My husband, despite working the crazy hours he does, truly puts his family before anything else.

o Being a mother means that you will never stop worrying.

o Being a mother also means that you will never stop feeling guilty about something every day of your life.

o I am so lucky to be part of a family of women on my mom’s side—especially Mom, Marilyn, Jenn, Stephanie, Nancy and Kate—who are strong and smart and funny and committed to themselves, their families and one another.

o Nothing stops a toddler temper tantrum as quickly as a tickle-fest.

o I didn’t know the expression “that just melts my heart” until I had children.

o Music will always be one of the loves of my life. Nothing cheers me up or calms me down quite as well.

o Sometimes, it really does take a village to help raise kids…and keep mommies sane.

As I’ve done over the past few years, I am trying to regularly count my blessings and be grateful for them. And I hope you’ll join me—because if you have gotten this far in my essay, you are surely one of mine!

Here’s to another year of “blessed days.”

This Date in History: November 4, 2009

I awoke to the sounds of Michael giggling in his room. When I walked in, he was standing up in his crib for the first time, so proud of himself. And when I praised him and picked him up, he kept trying to look me in the eye, as if to say, "Didja see it? Didja?" And away we go!

Michael, I Might As Well Apologize to You Now...

Michael, I am the second-born child as well. And I swore I would never treat my second child any differently than the first--I'd take the same amount of pictures, I'd still post regularly to the blog, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, but I just can't always keep that up! So I apologize for the lack of official nine-month and 10-month pictures. I love you to pieces...and that's probably why I haven't had time to update this darn blog!

Okay, guilt trip over...I'm sure there are many more in my future, anyway...

Yesterday was Halloween. On Friday, they had the annual parade at daycare/preschool.

Michael's class dressed up as frogs and princesses...

and Megan's class dressed up as Mickey and Minnie Mouses (Mice?).

Yesterday, we went to two parties. Megan was dressed as Abby Cadaby from Sesame Street.

And, while lots of people dress their babies as pumpkins or ducks for Halloween, we dressed ours up as a Vegas lounge singer. My dad had given us a tuxedo for Michael, and it just seemed to make the funniest Halloween costume. (We left off the white button-down shirt. It was very hot in L.A.!

We also gave out some candy at home and went trick-or-treating. Megan really enjoyed both, and it was so wonderful to take our kids out for the first time and especially see Megan's face as people opened doors and dropped candy into her bag.

Michael at Eight Months

Here's Michael's eight-month picture. Better late than never, right?

Things here have been totally crazy. Michael is finally getting over a stomach virus after six days. Daycare was closed last week for start-of-school-year preparations, and this coincided with my opening faculty meetings. Throw in a stomach virus and it has been totally crazy!

Other than the craziness, the kids are great. Megan is now speaking in complete sentences, which makes it so much easier to understand what she is saying. Michael is napping and going down much better at night. We are still struggling with middle-of-the-night wakings--a few nights ago he really was just tired and not sick, so we let him cry it out. One hour and thirty-five minutes later, he finally fell asleep. Other nights, P.C. and I have split shifts driving him all over the San Fernando Valley. We're working on it, though. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

Tonight when I was putting Megan into bed, she looked at me and said, "Thank you, mama." Somehow that makes it all okay.

How Times Have Changed

I came across an email that I sent to some of my friends after our first failed in-vitro procedure. It was very touching to read it and realize how far we've come since then:

June 27, 2006
Well, our attempt at in-vitro didn’t work. We got the news yesterday. I’m just so unbelievably sad. We don’t know what our next step will be, and right now I am really stuck in sadness. We need some time to let all of this sink in. I’m struggling with the fact that I had three little lives inside me and I just couldn’t help them live. P.C is, as usual, a terrific support even though I know he is in pain too. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Sorry to share this by email, but it is just too hard to talk today.

Back then, having one child was just a dream. And two wasn't even close to anything I could imagine. And now here we are. Rereading the email above was a reminder to continue to count my blessings every day.

Two-Year Checkup and Coming Full Circle

Today I took Megan for her two-year-old appointment. She's doing great--36 inches tall (97th percentile) and 29 pounds (77th percentile).

Today we also made the decision to release the embryos that we had sitting in frozen storage at the fertility clinic. We decided to donate them for research. I know it was the right thing to do--we weren't planning to use them, and it felt wasteful to just dispose of them. We could have given them to a couple who needed donor embryos, but it just didn't feel right to us to possibly have "children" out there somewhere. So we decided to donate them in the hopes that the research in which they will be used will make a difference somewhere in the medical world.

We went to the clinic and saw a physician's assistant and a nurse who had been there when we conceived Megan (the nurse is Patti--see this entry for more about the terrific staff at the clinic). They didn't know that we had Michael, so it was fun to tell them about that.

It felt strange to sign the papers, though. Like the fertility journey was over, and we were signing away the possibility of more children. And it was a little sad to think that we were finished with having kids. But it also felt right. A little sad, but right. So, little embryos, safe journey. May you bring hope to others through science...the same science that helped us conceive Megan and Michael. Our little miracles.

Long Time Gone...

It has been forever since my last post. Much happening!

Michael turned seven months old on July 26. He is sitting up really well. He is slowly getting the hang of playing by himself--all those months of his being held finally caught up with us. He is still hit-or-miss when it comes to sleeping through the night. He's waking up anywhere from 3-5:30 a.m., and if he wakes up after 4 it is really hard to get him back down. Of course, we need to be up at 5:30 on weekdays anyway, so I'd happily take that! Michael is a very smiley and happy baby, which is wonderful.

Megan turned two on August 2. She is an amazing kid. She is definitely testing her limits (and ours, too), but sometimes she is just so funny that I have to bite my lip so I don't laugh. her latest thing is calling me "Jill." She knows she should call me Mommy--she just can't help herself--and has to slip in a "Jill" and then giggle. I keep correcting her, but deep down I just love the fact that she's got a rebellious streak in her. I doubt I'll be saying that when she's 13!

This is a family photo of us from Megan's birthday.

Michael's Six-Month Checkup

Michael had a great checkup today. Here are the vital stats:

Height: 27 ¼ inches (76th percentile)
Weight: 17 lbs., 3 oz. (48th percentile—of course, he ate right before he was weighed, so who really knows!)
Head Circumference: 17 inches (48th percentile)

He has a rash in the folds of his neck, but we got some cream for it and all should be fine!

Michael has tried rice cereal and squash so far. So the recipes are: rice cereal, squash, and rice cereal mixed with squash. But you have to start somewhere!

(For Megan's six-month checkup details, click here.)

Rice Cereal, Swimming. and Stevie Nicks

Michael started rice cereal this past week. He's not a huge fan. Of course, how anyone can truly be a "fan" of rice cereal is beyond my understanding!

Megan went swimming for the first time yesterday. She'd dipped her feet in, but this was the first time she'd really gotten into the pool. (I know, she's a California girl, she's almost two, and she is just now getting into a pool. Sorry, folks!) Here she is with P.C. in a really cool boat.

And Megan loves the Stevie Nicks/Tom Petty song, "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around." I remembered that I had a version of it on the DVR and played it for her. She's now requesting it regularly.

Six Months Old!

Michael turned six months today. Happy half-birthday, little one! He is definitely teething like crazy, but doing well.

Big sister Megan moved into the two-year-old room at daycare this week. So far, so good! She is changing so much every day--her use of words and sentences is incredible. Her favorite phrase right now is "Of course!" She's definitely testing her limits, but she is quite amazing.

Bubby

My wonderful grandmother passed away on Saturday, June 13. I went back to Baltimore last week to spend time with my family and to say goodbye to one of my favorite people in the world.

Above is a picture of Megan with Bubby when Megan was eight months old and Bubby was 93. Although Megan was hard to keep still at that age (still is, actually), she stayed totally still while Bubby held her. Amazing.

I chose not to speak at the funeral, because my mom, sister and cousin were already speaking, but below is a draft of what I wrote.

It is such an honor to stand before you today, as we remember Bessie Winer Salkin. Bess to many, Mom to a few, but to many of us, she was our Bubby.

In talking to members of my family, there is one prevailing thought: that while it is best for her to be at peace, we can’t imagine life without Bubby. And that somehow, 94 years just wasn’t enough for any of us.

When my daughter Megan was born, Bubby was 92. I knew I couldn’t name our daughter for her because she was still here on earth, but I wanted to do something to honor all she has given to my life. So Megan’s middle name is Salkin. So whenever I say my daughter’s full name, I am reminded of my grandmother’s strength, beauty and grace. And class. She had a lot of class.

I always tell people that Bubby helped raise Nancy and me, and it is certainly true. So many of my day-to-day childhood memories feature Bubby: Rocking me in the rocking chair in my bedroom, driving me home from nursery school down Park Heights Avenue and begging me not to fall asleep on the ride home so she could put me down for a nap; her big Oldsmobile with the square pillow and the crocheted cover; making babka in her kitchen; playing checkers on the big carpeted game board; Hanukkah parties; lots of sleepovers at her apartment. The smell of her skin and the softness of her hands. I’ve never felt softer hands. Never.

And the food! Babka, gefilte fish, challah, knishes, chicken soup. The kitchen was truly her safe haven. And I can’t watch Megan eating a raspberry without thinking of Bubby.

And then there were the Bubbyisms. I remember visiting with her when I was going through my divorce almost 12 years ago. She told me, “Sometimes you step in a pile of dog doo. You just wipe off your shoes and keep walking.” There are a few Bubbyisms that she taught me in Yiddish—unfortunately, I don’t quite think this is the time to repeat them! And how many of us can get in and out of a public restroom without touching a single thing? Yet another lesson from Bubby.

Three weeks ago, Bubby got to see her tenth great grandchild—the first boy, by the way—the other nine are all girls—when we Skyped with her two weeks ago. I held up five-month-old Michael and he stared at Bubby at the other end. And she was staring eight back—they were really taking each other in. My 22-month-old daughter pointed at the screen and said, “Bubby!” and they blew kisses at each other. The memory of the two of them blowing kisses is permanently etched in my brain.

Bubby loved people and people loved her. She was a real class act. Ask her what she thought and she’d tell you, even if you didn’t ask. But it was all done with lots and lots of love.

For her 90th birthday, the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren wrote notes and drew pictures, and my mom, Frayda, compiled them into a book for her. What I wrote then seems appropriate to say now: Bubby, you are a fabulous, wonderful, giving, loving, smart, sassy, gutsy woman, and I truly believe my life is richer and stronger for having you in it.

Bless You, Mama!

I need to post new pics here, but in the meantime, a quick Megan story:

I sneezed tonight and Megan said, "Bless you, Mama!" Wow, this kid is awesome.

Five Months Old!

Michael turned five months old yesterday. (To see Megan at five months, click here.) Hard to believe! As you can tell from the picture, he was a little cranky. He's got a virus--mild fever, but nothing else at this point. He is also teething, which doesn't help him get comfy. But he's doing well. Trying hard to roll over. We are also trying to get him to soothe himself to sleep, which is definitely a challenge--Megan would drift off after nursing or a bottle, but Michael usually stays awake. We're working on it!

Megan is doing well. She requests "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around" (Stevie Nicks) when we get into the car. First she just said, "Stop!" and now it's "Stop dagn muh hatround." So funny!!!!

The Alphabet According to Megan at 21 Months

Overheard while Megan was singing the alphabet song:

"...h-i-j-k-l-m-ELMO-p..."

Say it out loud. It's pretty funny.

We Are Busy!

It's been a very busy few weeks. Entering daycare meant a big-time initiation into getting sick for Michael--he had a stomach virus that kept him out for several days. Megan got an ear infection. And I got a stomach virus too, which prevented all of us from going to Baltimore for my high-school reunion. I was very disappointed about that, but it's just the way it is with kids!
Right now everyone is healthy, but I know it's only a matter of time before we start all over again. But there's no sense in worrying about it, because it will happen whether I worry or not!

The good news: Michael had a successful four-month checkup. The vital stats:

Length: 26 1/4 inches (90th percentile)

Weight 14 pounds, 2 ounces (32nd percentile)

Head Circumference: 17 inches (75th percentile)

So he's long and lean. (For reference, at four months Megan was 13 pounds, 6 ounces [49th percentile] and 25 inches long [79th percentile]. She was long and lean too!) The craziness is that Michael is now wearing nine month clothing because he is so long. Crazy! He's waking up once a night for a bottle, which the doctor is fine with because he is likely trying to put on more weight.
And as much as I'd like him to make it all night (which he has a few times), I'll take this over those first weeks anytime!

Megan continues to learn new words daily. The other night, P.C. was coming home early and I said to Megan, "Daddy's coming home early. How 'bout that?" and she said, "How 'bout that?" as clear as a bell.

I do have to say that trying to do bedtime on my own is a real challenge. Tonight, they were both tired and cranky, and while I was putting Megan to bed, Michael was screaming in his crib (where I put him so he was safe while I was putting Megan down). After I put Megan to bed and started to give Michael a bottle, Megan started screaming, so I went into Megan's room and fed Michael in the rocking chair while I sang to Megan. Finally, she settled down, and I finished feeding Michael and put him to bed. It's a real challenge, but I must say I feel so accomplished after they are both in bed!

Four Months Old!

Michael turned four months old today. He's trying to roll over, but no total success yet!

Last week was crazy. Megan had an ear infection and a stomach issue, and then Michael joined her with a nasty stomach bug. Megan is almost finished with it all, and Michael is hopefully on the upswing.

They are both changing daily--Michael in his awareness of the world, and Megan in her ability to speak in sentences. They never cease to fascinate me!

Back to Work, Viruses, and Tiny Little Miracles

I went back to work yesterday. So far, so good. Poor Michael went to daycare last week for a few "test days" of a few hours each, and ended up with a stomach virus and a cold. Ick. You know, this time around I'm trying not to worry too much about him (and Megan) getting sick. I worried with Megan, and it certainly didn't stop her! Just gotta take each thing as it comes...

Being back at work definitely makes for a very. very long day. But we'll be back in the routine eventually. And then, once we have the routine figured out, it will change again!

Michael is doing better at night. He had a few nights of sleeping from 8 a.m. until 4 or 5 a.m., which was amazing. He's had plenty of off nights too, but I'm encouraged by the good nights and feeling like there is a light at the end of the sleeping tunnel...

We had a really lovely Easter day (not that we celebrate Easter, but it just happened to be Easter Sunday). P.C. took the WHOLE day and night off--highly unusual during baseball season! First, we had breakfast at IHOP (where this nice Jewish girl forgot it was Passover and ate pancakes). We went to the Encino baseball fields, and Megan and P.C. ran the bases while I fed Michael a bottle in the stands and cheered. Then we went to a party at Gillian's house, and Megan had a blast playing and looking for eggs.

Tonight, when I was rocking Megan, we were kissing each other's cheeks, and she took my face in her hands, turned my cheek, and kissed it. I can't even describe the gratitude I felt at that moment. To be rocking my 20-month-old baby, who was only a dream a few years ago, and to have her show such sweet affection, was totally overwhelming. I know there have been and will continue to be days that test my patience and confidence as a mom, but tonight, it felt so completely satisfying. And Michael is smiling and cooing like crazy. He's another miracle, too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Two Great Megan Moments Today

1. Megan used the potty today! Before her bath, she looked at the training potty and said "potty." I asked her if she wanted to use it, and she said yes. And then she actually peed in the potty! Woo hoo! We are ages away from being potty trained--especially since they don't start training at daycare until age 2--but it's a start!

2. While Megan was watching Elmo before bed, Michael was super-fussy (as he often is during "happy hour"). Megan looked at Michael, got down from the couch and gently put a calming hand on his head and stood and stared lovingly at him. I praised her for being so lovely and was about to get teary when she took her hand from Michael's head and poked him in the eye. So much for tenderness. :-)

First Haircut!

Megan got her first haircut on Friday (April 3). Here's a photo of her leaving Lollicuts, the children's salon. I would have taken pictures of her during the actual haircut, but she spent it on my lap, crying and saying "All done!" over and over again. It wasn't too traumatic, though--after the haircut was done, she munched two animal crackers, got a balloon, and waved on her way out.

Both kids are changing so much every day. Today, Megan picked up Gram's shoes and said, "Gram's shoes." She hit the infamous baseball toy (click here for THAT traumatic incident from a year ago) and happily yelled, "Home run!"

Michael is tolerating "tummy time" and is holding his head up pretty well (although you can't tell from this shot). He also rolled over from his back to his tummy the other night. He hasn't done it since, but he is rolling from his back to his side, so it's only a matter of time.

Above is a picture of Megan keeping Michael company while he does his "tummy time." She went into her room to get a blanket so she could lie down with him.

Here are a couple of pictures of the kids in their Adidas wear. Adidas sponsors UCLA Athletics, and Daddy went a little crazy in the ordering department. But don't they look adorable? Michael's outfit makes me giggle every time.

And here's a cute shot of Megan...just because.

Three Months Old!

Michael turned three months old last week. It's been quite a busy time! He's been going to Gymboree, and he's also been becoming more observant and interested in the world around him. He's even noticed Pauley!

Megan has changed a lot, too. She's putting small sentences together, like "Mommy try." She's also expanded "Cook" to say "Cookie Monster" and "Elmo" is now "Elmo's World." Quite amazing to watch!

Megan at 19 Months, Michael at 10 Weeks

Last week was pretty crazy. Megan had an ear infection and was (still is) cutting three teeth. Wow! On Thursday night she was up for most of the night and P.C. was out of town. Thank goodness for Gram!!!!

Michael is doing well. Trying to get him to sleep more at night. It just takes time...time...time!!!!

Here's Miri with Michael.

Here's Megan showing some AU spirit!

And here's Michael showing the world he plays for Daddy's Team. (To see a pic of Megan in an outfit like this, click here.)

Megan is getting used to having Michael around. She waves at him, blows kisses, and rocks him--when she isn't scrambling for attention from the person holding him!

Two Months Old!

Michael turned two months old today! He also had his two-month checkup, which included vaccinations. Here are the stats:

Weight: 12 lbs., 2 ozs. (56th percentile)

Height: 23 1/4 inches (74th percentile)

Head Circumference: 15 3/4 inches (51st percentile)

FYI, Megan was 10 lbs., 12 oz. at this checkup, but I can't find the other stats. In any case, Michael is definitely bigger! (click here to read the blog entry from Megan's two-month birthday)

P.C. left for his first road trip this morning. Yuck. But we're doing fine, and every day is a day closer to him returning--and to the summer, when we get Daddy back more regularly for awhile!

Megan is spending time watching Seinfeld while Daddy is away... :-)

Eight Weeks Old and the Big-Sister Yuckies

Michael turns eight weeks old tomorrow. Here is a picture of him from today. He's doing well--he's been able to stretch feedings to the occasional five-hour one at night, so I'm feeling hopeful!

Poor Megan hasn't been feeling well. She's had a huge cold for about a week, and a rash on her face. No ear infection, though, and it looks like she may have turned the corner on the cold. Fingers crossed! Mom would be proud, though--she's still managed to find time to run the Swiffer!

I've been spending a lot of time by myself with both kids. It's going well so far--although it is the hardest job I've ever had! Good thing they can't fire me! :-) It is definitely a challenge with Megan being sick and trying to keep her away from Michael. Michael is a little stuffy, but *fingers crossed* so far, so good.

In other news, college baseball season starts tomorrow. Go Bruins! P.C., we'll see you in June! We love you! Here's Michael taking a good look at Daddy and explaining offensive strategy to him.

18-Month Checkup, Seven Weeks Old, and Visitors!

Megan's 18-month checkup was Friday. Vital stats:

Height: 34 in. (97th percentile)

Weight: 26 lbs. (76th percentile)

Head Circumference: 19 in. (94th percentile)

My best friend Missy and her daughter Siena came for a visit last week. It was so wonderful--and chaotic with three children in the house under the age of 2 1/2! But it was terrific. Megan and Siena got along well. One of the highlights was watching them in the bathtub together! They had a lot of fun. Here they are watching Elmo together.

Michael is now seven weeks old. His favorite place is still the Baby Bjorn! I keep telling myself I'll miss having to hold him so much someday... :-) Here he is, nestled in the Bjorn, close to my heart. He does feel awfully good there...