Unemployment ... and a Fleeting Moment of Panic

My last day of work in the office was Friday. Now I'm working on little projects at home, checking email, and being "on call" in case anyone needs me. I'm hoping it will be a nice transition into not working for about 12 weeks after the baby arrives. It's kind of nice--to have less responsibility and not have to drive 50 miles a day. And things are just going to have to go on without me. Judging from my inbox over the weekend, it will take awhile before people will totally figure things out without me, but that's okay. In the meantime, I'm also trying to take care of some little things that won't be easy to do after the baby's born--getting the oil changed in the car, for example. So there is a lot to do before Spike arrives, but if Spike arrived tomorrow, we'd all be okay.

Meanwhile, I had a moment of panic this evening about the cesarean section and motherhood in general. I know, I know--it will all be okay. But if I didn't have a few fleeting moments of panic, it wouldn't be motherhood, right?

My Child Is Head-Butting Me! Plus, Babycenter.com Update: Week 36

We went to the doctor today to check on Spike. She is definitely breech. In order for her to turn, she'd have to flip backwards about 270 degrees--she's gone forward as far as she can. In fact, she is head-butting the placenta (and me!). I'm not a candidate for a version (the procedure to try and turn the baby) because of my previous uterine surgery (with my "artistically-shaped" uterus) and the fact that an inversion probably wouldn't work because of the position of the baby. So, it looks like we're on the c-section path. We've tentatively talked about sometime between August 15-20, unless I go into labor first. I'm going back next week, and we'll talk it through again then.

I go back to the perinatologist tomorrow for another checkup. I'm pretty sure it's just a procedural thing to take a closer look at the baby and make sure all is well. Tomorrow night is also the last "baby basics" class at the hospital. Then, we wait!

And here's something interesting about how much water you can retain while pregnant: Between my blood pressure check last Thursday and today, I lost six pounds! So that should tell you how swollen I was last week...

Here's this week's update from www.babycenter.com:

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds and is a little under 19 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, that will form the contents of her first bowel movement. At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Pink Tuna

When I was a little girl, my grandmother--who ate health food before it was en vogue to do so--made "pink tuna" for us to eat. It wasn't a big deal, really--it was just tuna salad with well-grated carrots in it, which made it turn a pinkish color. For years, Bubby sneaked carrots into our tuna salad. When we got older, she confessed her "secret recipe," but it didn't really matter, because we loved everything that Bubby cooked. But it made me laugh that she was like an "undercover cook," making sure we got our vitamins in.

Tonight, in Bubby's honor, I made pink tuna. And I'm sure I'll make it for Spike, too. That's one of those family folklore recipes that will live on!

Bebycenter.com Update: Week 35

It's 3:52 a.m. I'm awake. I know I'm "in training" for motherhood, but can't this be like marathon training, where I get to "taper" (lower my mileage and take it easier) in the couple of weeks before the Big Day? :-)

Tonight we go to the hospital for a tour of the maternity floor. Should be interesting. Then tomorrow it's off to Baby Care Basics class, part two. (For the record, P.C. excelled at giving the baby doll a sponge bath last week. He's really trying hard and doing a great job.)

This week I'm noticing that I have just enough energy to get through the workday and then I get home really tired and uncomfortable. Sort of like the first trimester, only I'm not nauseous and now my belly gets in the way. Last night I had a mini "I can't take this anymore but I'm terrified to have the baby" tantrum. Nice. I'll bet P.C. wishes he could run around the neighborhood screaming. He's been so great--I hope he's taking his frustrations out on the baseballs at work.

Here's this week's update from www.babycenter.com:

How your baby's growing: Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 pounds plus. Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

How your life's changing: Your uterus — which was entirely tucked away inside your pelvis when you conceived — now reaches up under your rib cage. If you could peek inside your womb, you'd see that there's more baby than amniotic fluid in there now. Your ballooning uterus is crowding your other internal organs, too, which is why you probably have to urinate more often and may be dealing with heartburn and other gastrointestinal distress. If you're not grappling with these annoyances, you're one of the lucky few.

It's a Fine Line between Feeling Grateful and Feeling Guilty

I had lunch with a friend of mine yesterday, who has 7-month-old twins after three rounds of in-vitro. She asked me how I was feeling, and she told me that at the end of her pregnancy she often felt guilty for feeling lousy, because she felt so grateful for her pregnancy and had spent so much time (not to mention money) on getting to that point.

I can totally relate to that. On the one hand, I am so, so amazingly grateful to be at this point and have, for the most part, really, really enjoyed being pregnant.

On the other hand, I am feeling pretty lousy these days--my wedding band has been temporarily relocated from my finger to the jewelry box because it doesn't fit; I get heartburn whenever I eat, no matter what I eat; My right wrist feels like I have carpal tunnel syndrome because of all the swelling; I'm not sleeping; I'm cranky.

And I'm trying to balance both of those emotions. I do think I feel more grateful than cranky, though. And excited. And terrified. And ready. And not ready. And the list goes on and on.

Me and My Belly

Here's a picture that P.C. took last night of me and my belly at 34 weeks. It makes me laugh. I do have to say that I never thought I would feel beautiful at 8 1/2 months pregnant, but I do!

Spike

The picture at the right is a cropped view of my 33-week ultrasound. Now, it' s really hard to see, but if you look really closely you can see Spike looking upwards.
Look on the line where this text appears and move your eyes to the right.You'll see one eyeball on top of the other eyeball (almost vertical), then slightly to the right you'll see her nose and mouth. It's not easy to see at first, but once you get it, you get it. Ain't she a beauty?