"We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting"
--Carly Simon, "Anticipation"
Did you know that there are lots of songs about waiting? For example:
"The waiting is the hardest part."
--Tom Petty, "The Waiting"
"Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn while I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn."
--Bob Marley, "Waiting in Vain"
"A smile relieves a heart that grieves
Remember what I said
I'm not waiting on a lady
I'm just waiting on a friend"
--The Rolling Stones, "Waiting on a Friend"
In the hours before my doctor's appointments, I find myself singing "The Waiting" by Tom Petty. (In fact, I blogged about this song in an earlier post.) It got me thinking about all the songs that had the word "waiting" in the title. Lyricsplanet.com shows 109 matches, by artists like Dolly Parton ("Will He Be Waiting for Me"), Ozzy Osbourne ("Waiting for Darkness") and The Beatles ("Crying, Waiting, Hoping"). Perhaps I should start singing Ozzy instead of Petty!
Anyway, I write this because, as I mentioned a couple of days ago, tomorrow is my last (hopefully) visit to the fertility doctor and I'm feeling a little anxious. I feel this way everytime I have a doctor's visit scheduled, probably because so much is going on inside my body and I can't see a single thing that is happening. For example, according to the pregnancy calendar on www.ivillage.com:
"By the end of this week [week 10], your baby will have verifiable fingers and toes. The tadpole appearance diminishes as the tail completely disappears. Eyelids fuse and will stay shut until weeks 25 to 27. Both the external ear and upper lip are complete, and the beginnings of external genitalia appear. The average size of your baby-to-be is 27 to 35 millimeters, crown to rump, or 1.06 to 1.38 inches. Your little one weighs in at a hefty four grams! At the end of the eighth week of gestation your little one is no longer an embryo; from now on he or she is refered to as a fetus."
Sometimes I wish I had a camera permanently implanted in my belly so I could watch everything happening!
Anyway, going to the doctor means I get to confirm that all of the craziness going on in my body is proceeding normally, so there is a little bit of anxiousness about that. Of course, my anxiousness is tempered by my positive visualization exercises, so I don't walk around wringing my hands and worrying. (For anyone who's been paying attention, by birthday resolution to stop worrying has been working pretty well. Of course, the kid isn't born yet...) But I do find myself living appointment to appointment, which I understand from my friends is par for the course.
Anyway, please keep us in your thoughts!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Fascinating Songwriters, Part IV
This weekend I was watching "Hangin' With..." on VH1 Classic. This week's guest was Carly Simon. She was promoting her latest album, Into White, a collection of mostly covers and a few original songs. This show really took me back. I hadn't listened to Carly Simon in a long time, and I was reminded of how much I love her music. I discovered Carly Simon when I was in high school. I was the stage manager for the Baltimore Young Dancers' Theatre, and one of their pieces was performed to Carly Simon's "Boys in the Trees." At the age of 16, those lyrics stuck with me:
"I'm home again in my old narrow bed
Where I grew tall and my feet hung over the end
The low beam room with the window looking out
On the soft summer garden
Where the boys grew in the trees
Here I grew guilty
And no one was at fault
Frightened by the power
In every innocent thought
And the silent understanding passing down
From daughter to daughter
Let the boys grow in the trees"
Boys in the Trees is my favorite Carly Simon album, and reminds me so much of my teenage years. One song, "De Bat (Fly in Me Face)" is a whole lot of fun. I used to love singing this song, even though I had no idea what on earth I was singing about:
"Well I come home from a party
And I'm feelin' a little spaced
And I walk on in the kitchen and
A bat fly in me face
Well de bat come down the chimney
You see he wait in the fireplace
When he hear that I'm getting a little snack
De bat fly in me face"
This song smacks of vulnerability now, and yet it has such a fun party beat!
And Carly's more well-known songs have resonated with me as well. How about "Anticipation?"
"We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day"
Or what about "That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be," about bad relationships?
"My father sits at night with no lights on
His cigarette glows in the dark
The living room is still
I walk by, no remark
I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
My mother reads her magazines
I hear her call sweet dreams
But I forgot how to dream
But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be
You want to marry me, we'll marry"
Another sad song of unhappy relationships is "Coming Around Again":
Baby sneezes
Mommy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering
I know nothing stays the same
But if you're willing to play the game
It's coming around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart"
This song breaks my heart whenever I hear it...
But they're not all sad. Take "Haven't Got Time for the Pain":
"All those crazy nights
When I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
'Cause I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you"
And then, of course, there's one of Carly Simon's most famous songs, "You're So Vain." Is is about Mick Jagger? James Taylor? Warren Beatty? She'll never tell, but you can judge for yourself by reading all the evidence on the Carly Simon website. (That's where I found the picture above, too.)
Do you have a favorite Carly Simon song?
"I'm home again in my old narrow bed
Where I grew tall and my feet hung over the end
The low beam room with the window looking out
On the soft summer garden
Where the boys grew in the trees
Here I grew guilty
And no one was at fault
Frightened by the power
In every innocent thought
And the silent understanding passing down
From daughter to daughter
Let the boys grow in the trees"
Boys in the Trees is my favorite Carly Simon album, and reminds me so much of my teenage years. One song, "De Bat (Fly in Me Face)" is a whole lot of fun. I used to love singing this song, even though I had no idea what on earth I was singing about:
"Well I come home from a party
And I'm feelin' a little spaced
And I walk on in the kitchen and
A bat fly in me face
Well de bat come down the chimney
You see he wait in the fireplace
When he hear that I'm getting a little snack
De bat fly in me face"
This song smacks of vulnerability now, and yet it has such a fun party beat!
And Carly's more well-known songs have resonated with me as well. How about "Anticipation?"
"We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day"
Or what about "That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be," about bad relationships?
"My father sits at night with no lights on
His cigarette glows in the dark
The living room is still
I walk by, no remark
I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
My mother reads her magazines
I hear her call sweet dreams
But I forgot how to dream
But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be
You want to marry me, we'll marry"
Another sad song of unhappy relationships is "Coming Around Again":
Baby sneezes
Mommy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering
I know nothing stays the same
But if you're willing to play the game
It's coming around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart"
This song breaks my heart whenever I hear it...
But they're not all sad. Take "Haven't Got Time for the Pain":
"All those crazy nights
When I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
'Cause I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you"
And then, of course, there's one of Carly Simon's most famous songs, "You're So Vain." Is is about Mick Jagger? James Taylor? Warren Beatty? She'll never tell, but you can judge for yourself by reading all the evidence on the Carly Simon website. (That's where I found the picture above, too.)
Do you have a favorite Carly Simon song?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Big Week
This Thursday will mark a very important milestone for us. If all goes well, we'll be saying goodbye to my beloved fertility doctor, Dr. Boostanfar, and moving on to my regular ob/gyn next week. (I haven't met my new doctor, but she was recommended to me by my fertility doctor, so I have faith that things will be just fine.)
I have to admit that I am a little sad to be leaving this doctor, even though it is all for the good. I mean, this was the guy who told P.C. and me that he thought he'd be able to get me pregnant (I know, it sounds dirty but you know what I mean!), and after 15 months of seeing him, I'm preparing to leave his care. And in between, he and his staff have been awesome, providing sound advice, soft hearts, and lots of Kleenex. When the nurse, Patti, called to tell me I was pregnant, she said that everyone in the office was so excited for us. And I believe that.
One interesting thing to me is that my fertility issues go above and beyond the "just relax" recommendation (as most do)--further proof that the well-meaning people who say those things are usually wrong. I have to thank my friend Michelle for snapping me out of the "just keep trying, it will happen" mentality and suggesting that I see a specialist. Even after I started seeing Dr. Boostanfar, and we realized that my issues went beyone "just relaxing," people still insisted on telling me that if P.C. and I just took some time for a vacation, we'd be expecting a baby in no time. So, if you're reading this, I hope you'll think twice before you offer the "just relax" advice. I believe that those people are really the exception, not the rule.
So, anyway, with a little luck we'll be moving to the next step this week. I am feeling pretty lousy, but I'm on week 10, so hopefully the days of feeling really cruddy are numbered. I've been continuing my positive visualizations, but I'm also feeling very emotional today. It's all part of the ride, I suppose. I'll just keep thinking good thoughts for the little one inside of me, and praying that each week will bring more positive strides for all of us.
I have to admit that I am a little sad to be leaving this doctor, even though it is all for the good. I mean, this was the guy who told P.C. and me that he thought he'd be able to get me pregnant (I know, it sounds dirty but you know what I mean!), and after 15 months of seeing him, I'm preparing to leave his care. And in between, he and his staff have been awesome, providing sound advice, soft hearts, and lots of Kleenex. When the nurse, Patti, called to tell me I was pregnant, she said that everyone in the office was so excited for us. And I believe that.
One interesting thing to me is that my fertility issues go above and beyond the "just relax" recommendation (as most do)--further proof that the well-meaning people who say those things are usually wrong. I have to thank my friend Michelle for snapping me out of the "just keep trying, it will happen" mentality and suggesting that I see a specialist. Even after I started seeing Dr. Boostanfar, and we realized that my issues went beyone "just relaxing," people still insisted on telling me that if P.C. and I just took some time for a vacation, we'd be expecting a baby in no time. So, if you're reading this, I hope you'll think twice before you offer the "just relax" advice. I believe that those people are really the exception, not the rule.
So, anyway, with a little luck we'll be moving to the next step this week. I am feeling pretty lousy, but I'm on week 10, so hopefully the days of feeling really cruddy are numbered. I've been continuing my positive visualizations, but I'm also feeling very emotional today. It's all part of the ride, I suppose. I'll just keep thinking good thoughts for the little one inside of me, and praying that each week will bring more positive strides for all of us.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Blog for Choice Day
Today is the 34th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, the landmark case that overturned all state and federal laws restricting abortion. NARAL is asking people to blog today and explain why they are pro-choice. You can read some of those posts here. (Thanks, Maya's Granny, for your reminder on your blog.)
I have always struggled with the issue of abortion. I have always believed in a woman's right to choose, although in my heart I never believed I could have an abortion. I think of my friends who have had them and am very thankful that they had that option available to them. And now that I am pregnant myself, I can't imagine how it would feel to be pregnant with a child that was conceived and not truly wanted--for whatever reason. It is an emotional and physical rollercoaster, and I can't imagine going through this unless I really, really wanted it and thought it was the right decision for me and my family.
I don't believe that people generally use abortion as birth control--I believe that those people are the exception, not the rule. I do believe that if abortion weren't legal, that women would once again die at the hands of illegal abortionists.
When I was in college, I spent one afternoon with other college students, escorting frightened young women across the lines of protesters and into an abortion clinic in Washington, D.C. I was completely horrified by the experience. That people could curse and yell threats at terrified women was eye-opening to me. And I can tell you that every single one of those women was terrified--about the procedure itself and about the screaming crowd trying to get in their way. None of them treated abortion like birth control, and none of them were casual about it. I don't think they would have been there if they hadn't been so desperate. I never went back to that clinic--in fact, the experience was so terrifying that sometimes I wonder if I experienced it at all or if I just imagined it. But I still couldn't put my finger on the root of why I was pro-choice.
Anyway, in looking at the posts on NARAL, I read something that got to the heart of my views (thanks, Jessica):
"My support and fight for reproductive health and justice is about more than the recognition of women’s right to control their own bodies and my feelings about how the state’s attempt to control women’s reproductive rights is connected to women’s oppression more generally. At the core of it, it’s about something much more simple.
It’s about trusting women.
I trust women to make their own decisions. I trust that women (of all ages) don’t need to be told what to do with their bodies or their futures because they know what’s best for themselves and their families. And I truly believe that the folks who are fighting so hard to limit women’s reproductive choices are doing so because they don’t trust women. And that terrifies me—because if women aren’t trusted to make decisions about something as personal as their own bodies, we’re in big trouble."
I'm sure not everyone who reads this will agree with my view. But I hope it makes you consider why you have the views that you have on the issue, whether you are pro- or anti-choice.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Fascinating Songwriters, Part III
The 1970s were filled with singer-songwriters. You know, that Joni Mitchell-James Taylor-Carly-Simon era, before synthesizers took over. So many wonderful artists came out of that period, but no artist had more impact in such a short time than Jim Croce.
In 1972, Croce signed with ABC Records. In 1973, he and his musical partner, Maury Meuhleisen, were killed in a plane crash. Meuhleisen was as important to Croce's success as Jim himself, as his harmonies and guitar complimented Croce's songwriting.
Here are some of the hits Croce released between 1972 and 1974 (a few were released after his death). How many of these do you know?
Operator (That's Not The Way It Feels)
You Don't Mess Around with Jim
Time in a Bottle
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
I Got a Name
Workin' at the Car Wash Blues
I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song
Photographs and Memories
One Less Set of Footsteps
Most of you know about Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, "the baddest man in the whole damn town." But did you know about Big Jim Walker?
"And they say you don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off an 'ole Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim."
Or what about Croce's love song for his infant son, "Time in a Bottle":
"If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you."
And here's "I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song," Croce's song of apology to his wife, Ingrid:
"Well, I know it's kind of late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I got to say can't wait
I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song.
Yeah, I know it's kind of strange
But ev'ry time I'm near you
I just run out of things to say
I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song."
Two years and a lifetime of hits. Truly a fascinating songwriter.
In 1972, Croce signed with ABC Records. In 1973, he and his musical partner, Maury Meuhleisen, were killed in a plane crash. Meuhleisen was as important to Croce's success as Jim himself, as his harmonies and guitar complimented Croce's songwriting.
Here are some of the hits Croce released between 1972 and 1974 (a few were released after his death). How many of these do you know?
Operator (That's Not The Way It Feels)
You Don't Mess Around with Jim
Time in a Bottle
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
I Got a Name
Workin' at the Car Wash Blues
I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song
Photographs and Memories
One Less Set of Footsteps
Most of you know about Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, "the baddest man in the whole damn town." But did you know about Big Jim Walker?
"And they say you don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off an 'ole Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim."
Or what about Croce's love song for his infant son, "Time in a Bottle":
"If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you."
And here's "I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song," Croce's song of apology to his wife, Ingrid:
"Well, I know it's kind of late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I got to say can't wait
I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song.
Yeah, I know it's kind of strange
But ev'ry time I'm near you
I just run out of things to say
I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song."
Two years and a lifetime of hits. Truly a fascinating songwriter.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I Have Never Heard a Sweeter Sound
Well, last week's agony turned out to be morning sickness combined with a brief virus of some kind. Feeling much better these past few days.
Today we went to the doctor for my 8-week checkup. (8 weeks and 5 days, actually). Can you see the baby in the picture? It's the thing that looks like a kidney bean in the black hole, between the two dots.
The most amazing thing happened today during the appointment. We heard our baby's heartbeat. I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing that, after the doctor finished the ultrasound, I asked him to do another one so I could hear it again. It made a really cool sound...pa-tooh, pa-tooh, pa-tooh ... beating really fast. It brought tears to my eyes and filled my heart with so much love. And it made things feel so real. I've got a miracle in my belly. And oh, how sweet the sound my little miracle makes.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Agony and the Ecstasy
I've been feeling really wonderful over the past few weeks. Oh, sure, there's been some nausea, but, hey, I've been waiting for this for so long that I figured I'd never feel truly awful.
Until today.
Well, yesterday, actually. I came home feeling unusually nauseous. I fell asleep at about 8 p.m. and awoke around 11, only to discover that I would be awakened every hour by my nausea.
So, I did what I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do a single time during this pregnancy--I called in sick today. (I was afraid I wouldn't make it to work without throwing up on the 101 freeway.) After eating some crackers and some yogurt, I found myself clutching the toilet for dear life. The nausea is a little better now, although I am still very uncomfortable.
It's amazing how something so wonderful can make you feel so truly horrible!
Until today.
Well, yesterday, actually. I came home feeling unusually nauseous. I fell asleep at about 8 p.m. and awoke around 11, only to discover that I would be awakened every hour by my nausea.
So, I did what I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do a single time during this pregnancy--I called in sick today. (I was afraid I wouldn't make it to work without throwing up on the 101 freeway.) After eating some crackers and some yogurt, I found myself clutching the toilet for dear life. The nausea is a little better now, although I am still very uncomfortable.
It's amazing how something so wonderful can make you feel so truly horrible!
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