Nice Weekend

Sometimes the simplest days are the most satisfying. Megan and I went to the farmer's market today, where we met Nancy and Miriam for a snack and walk around. Miri played in the bounce house, which entertained Megan to no end--she loved watching Miri bounce down the slide at the end of the house.

Then, we came home for lunch and a nap, and then we went for a stroll around the mall. Nothing special, nothing particularly adventurous, but a lovely day all the same.

Here's to a good week!

P.S. For those who were wondering, I had a great trip to NYC. And Megan was fine without me, and didn't make me pay for going away. So, all in all, it was worth it. And I feel much less guilty.Megan says, "Mommy, stop writing in your blog and PICK ME UP! :-)"

Love + Guilt+ Never Getting a Good Night's Sleep Again = Motherhood!

I’m sitting aboard United flight 28 from LAX to JFK. Enjoying business class. Just watched a mindless romantic comedy on my airline-provided media player. Reading Tori Spelling’s autobiography. Listening to ITunes. Embarking on a four-day business trip to New York City, one of my favorite places to visit. There are no sippy cups to fill, no daycare bags to pack, no crying in the middle of the night to wake me up. And I can actually sleep until 7 a.m. every morning! So why did I get teary after the flight attendant raised her voice at me because I didn’t hear her question after she repeated it twice?

Sure, I’m hormonal. Expecting baby number two, nervous about what all of that means. How will I manage the lives of two little ones who rely on me to take care of their everyday needs? How on earth am I going to nurse a newborn while a toddler is running around and needing my attention as well? I know, millions of women have done it before me, and while I’m not confident that it will work out easily, I am confident that I’ll figure it out. I have a great support system around me. Even my husband, who travels a lot during college baseball season, is definitely present whenever he can be. And he’s very willing to help me get whatever help I need to get things done. And he listens when I’m on a rampage and manages to calm me down enough to believe that it will all work out.

No, I got emotional because I’m conflicted. Ever since my daughter was born 13 months ago, all I’ve really wanted was some good sleep. When she was first born, everyone told me, “Nap when the baby naps!” But that’s easier said than done, especially if the baby is a.) napping in the car seat while I’m driving or b.) napping in the stroller while I walk the neighborhood because her screaming inside was making me want to shriek at the top of my lungs. I’ve yearned for some good, quality time to myself, which I usually only get when the baby is asleep.

Don’t get me wrong. I completely adore my daughter. Her conception and birth were a total miracle. And now we have another miracle on its way. Two years ago I didn’t think I could have one baby, and now I’m about to have two. I am grateful every single day for that. Every single day.

But here’s the thing: I'm pregnant and I’m really tired. And when I’ve tried to get some extra sleep (I mean LOTS of extra sleep, not just an hour here and there), it rarely works out. For Mother’s Day, I asked for (and got, bless my husband) and evening all to myself at the local Hilton. I was going to order my favorite foods, eat in bed, and then roll over and go to sleep. How many hours would I sleep? 10? 12? The answer was…oh, heck, I don’t remember how long I slept. I do know that I was about six weeks pregnant, nauseous and with heartburn, and I was in and out of sleep for a very fitful night. (And, perhaps the biggest crime of all: I had to throw out a slice of The Cheesecake Factory’s Craig’s Crazy Carrot Cake Cheesecake because I was too sick to eat it.

So here I am, on my way to New York, on my way to a hotel room all to myself for three nights. Where I can call my daughter at 9 a.m. to say hello and wish her a good day, because it will be 6 a.m. in Los Angeles. I’m thrilled to curl up in my bed tonight.

And yet, I really, really miss that kid. Miss the way she looks into my eyes like there is no one on earth she loves more. (Yes, I know that look will change soon enough, but for now it’s perfect.) Miss her bizarre crawling style. Miss the way she laughs when something strikes her funny (it’s a contagious laugh; I defy you not to crack up when she does it). Miss the way she grabs my leg when she pulls up to standing, using me as balance. Miss the way she hugs me. Miss the way she gives me the sloppiest kisses on earth. Oh, yes, I'm being a little melodramatic; I know I’ll get all of that back in a few days. But isn’t that the irony of motherhood? As much as you love your kids, you crave some time to yourself, and when you finally get the time, all you want is to cuddle with your kids.

And I think that’s one of the things that make a good mother: as tough as it can be sometimes, and as much as you might wistfully remember the days when you could live your life on a whim, you wouldn’t trade it for anything. And while I know I’ll get over this guilt and allow myself to enjoy the solitude for the next few days, I will be glad to get home to my daughter.

And then I’ll yearn for some time alone again. Ah, the never-ending cycle of guilt combined with sleep deprivation. And joy. Sounds like motherhood to me. And I wouldn’t change it.

(But I would like a few extra hours of sleep now and then.)

13 Months Old!

Megan turned 13 months old today. I forgot to take her picture. So here's one from yesterday. (My guess is that I won't be doing monthly pictures anymore, but we'll see...)

She also moved into the "toddler" room at daycare today. So hard to believe how fast she's growing up! We're having bedtime screaming battles again (her, not me!), but I'm getting better at handling them. I think... :-)

It's Been a Crazy Two Weeks!

Well, two weeks ago Megan started running a fever out of nowhere--104+. Part of her issue turned out to be a urinary tract infection, although the fever went away before the UTI was diagnosed. She's finishing up a course of antibiotics now, and she seems to be on the mend.

Then, last week, I started feeling some cramping and went to the doctor. Turns out I have a low-lying placenta that appears to be causing some of the cramping, likely combined with all the lifting of 22-pound Megan that I did the week before. So I've spent the last 5 or so days "taking it easy" while piecing together care for Megan (of course, daycare has been closed--great timing!). Luckily, I have a wonderful group of people around me who have been just terrific. P.C. has been such an angel. Nancy has been here almost as much as I have, and has been totally amazing, and her daughter Miriam has been such a help too. My cousin Stephanie and her family spent time entertaining Megan. My mother-in-law has spent a lot of time here. And my friend Maureen was here for several hours as well. I gotta say, we are so blessed to be surrounded by such loving, giving people. Here's a picture of Miriam helping to give Megan a bath. I was able to wash Megan's hair without tears. I wish Miriam could come help at every hair washing...

I'm feeling better today, but still trying to take it easy so it stays that way. Here's to some calmer times!

Update on The Kids!

("Kids"--I love it...)

First of all...IT'S A BOY!!!!!! We got the news on Friday. Very exciting...and certainly very different for a gal (me) who grew up with girls. But I'm looking forward to it. P.C. is very excited, too. The ultrasound went well--we saw all 10 fingers and toes, and everything looks good. The amnio was tough because the doctor had trouble getting the amniotic fluid out--little Sprout kept moving around--which meant prolonged uncomfortableness for me. But things are now back to normal. Test results should be in in about a week or so.

Megan is changing daily. This weekend, she started saying "book" (with an emphasis on the hard "k" sound). And on Saturday morning, when P.C. went in to get her, she was standing up in her crib--a first! She's getting up a little earlier now--I think it's because she wakes up, stands up, and can't get herself back down. So we're working on that. (The difference between 5:50 a.m. and 5:10 a.m. is huge when you're sleep deprived!)

UPDATE: 3:35 p.m.--The baby has just started to kick. Oh, how I love that feeling...even as it gets bigger and kicks so hard that I can't catch my breath...it's like a little secret that only the two of us share.

12-Month Checkup

Megan had her 12-month checkup yesterday. The vital stats:

Length: 30 inches (76th percentile)

Weight: 22 pounds, 11 ounces (73rd percentile)

Head Circumference: 18 1/2 inches (94th percentile)

In other news, Megan is allowed to eat any and all foods, as long as they aren't chokable (like hot dogs, popcorn, etc.) She tried milk last night and really liked it--she must get that from her daddy! She's also in the early stages of feeding herself.

And she's crawling like crazy! She's slowly getting the hang of pulling herself up. Here she is after she pulled herself up in the Pack & Play. (FYI, we're trying to get her used to the Pack & Play for Sprout's arrival, because there will probably be times when we'll have to use it. [Great idea, Mom!] So far she seems to like it--we've had her in it for about 5-10 minutes at a time each day.

I go on Friday for my amnio and ultrasound. We will find out if Sprout is a boy or a girl!

Happy Birthday Megan!

Megan turned a year old yesterday. Can you believe it?

I think Megan's daddy likes her. What do you think?

Megan loved her cake...yum!

And she had fun opening a few presents.

Here's Megan showing her mommy and daddy how old she is.

We have been so blessed this year. Here's to another great year with our baby girl!